Like Rainbows, Broken from the Blast
by sillygirl8406
Summary: A GSR fic. Gil reflects after the breakup. WARNING: Character Death. This is a dark, sad story, that I came up with while hearing a song. The story is a adaptation of the song. R&R.


Story: Like A Shotgun.

A/N: This is a little story I thought of tonight. It's 2 in the morning and instead of sleeping I'm writing. A song is playing in my head by my favorite band, Dave Matthews Band. The song is new and not yet on an album, it's called "Shotgun", and I do not own it, the band, or CSI. This story is an adaptation of that song, because I love it. I will post the lyrics at the end of the story if you wish to read it. Also, this is a dark fic and there is warning of character death to come as well as spoilers for Season 6 season final. Please take this as fiction, not real. I love these characters and I'm happy about the get together of Grissom/Sara (lord knows it took them long enough), so don't hate me for this, but I had to write it.

The saying "We hurt the ones we love the most" came to mind as Gil stared at the gun in his hand. The clock ticking was the only sound in the townhouse as it ticked its way to five thirty in the morning. Today was his day off and when he made his routine morning coffee he was glad when he heard the rain start to pour outside. The contentment he was feeling quickly came to a stop as he saw Sara at the door, invited her in, and listened to what she had to say.

The coffee was forgotten in the kitchen. Broken glass covered part of his floor. His favorite picture was ripped up and the frame broken. The townhouse was empty with no Sara.

His mind drifted back to that conversation as he sat on the couch staring at the gun in his hand.

"_Hey Gil," Sara's voice filled the house, but it wasn't happy. She sat down across from him and crossed her arms. "I came by to tell you that I can't be with you anymore. I've…I'm moving back to San Francisco. I've been talking with someone that I knew there, and we…We really like each other. I know I promised you that we would work things out but…I just…We can't be together any longer. My feelings have change. It's like that saying, "Beware for what you wish for". I've wanted this for so long, but for all the wrong reasons. It wasn't until after we got together that I realized that. I'm sorry, Gil."_

_He couldn't breathe. The words were heard but he couldn't believe any of them. Sara…was breaking up with him? "Why?" He spoke before he'd realized that he had even said anything._

_Sara tried to smile, but failed. "I…don't know. Because I found out that I really don't love you like I thought I did. Because--" she stopped talking at his sudden movement._

_He back handed the coffee cup on the coffee table. It shattered as it hit the floor, taking a picture frame with it. The frame he had on his coffee table held a picture of him and Sara. It was his favorite because not only was in taken in San Francisco but because Sara was trying not to laugh at him because he was attempting to sing "Happy Birthday" to her. It wasn't until the click of the camera that he realized how much he loved her if he let someone take a picture of him in that moment, yet alone hear him let a group f people he had never met hear him sing._

_By the time he had realized what he'd done Sara was standing up and looking nervous. _

"_Gil," she went to say. "I know how you must feel…" at his look she trailed off._

"_How I must feel?" He was up now. "Sara, how I must feel isn't up to you to decide. You can't even begin to know how I feel."_

"_Yes, I can. You feel hurt and—"_

"_Hurt," he yelled. "I'm beyond hurt, Sara. I've never let myself love anyone before until I met you. I let you into my heart, my MIND. This isn't hurt, this is betrayal. Like…like I've just been shot it hurts so badly."_

_Sara stood speechless in front of him. A tear fell down her cheek. "I'm sorry, Gil." She turned around and left._

_The door echoed after her._

He brought his hands up and let himself cry into them. How could he screw up so bad? What did he do to make the love of his life leave him? She was his beauty, his heart, his mind, but most of all, his heaven.

He betrayed her, but how, he didn't know. All he really knew was that he screwed up, and there was no going back. Sara wouldn't come back. Why did he let her into his mind, let her touch his heart to begin with?

His thoughts trailed again. Back to California.

_The seminar was just starting; he had reviewed all his notes, every slide, and downed Pepto-Bismol before he got on stage. He was set. As he turned to face the small gathering of students, a familiar face came through the auditorium door and sat down, front row center. She wore professional clothes, slacks and a blouse, and her hair was up in a ponytail. He wondered for a moment why Sara Sidle was in San Francisco, but ignored it as he begun his presentation._

_An hour later, Sara came up to him, smiling her famous gap-tooth-smile and shook his hand. "Been a long time."_

"_Yes, it has," he said with the same excided grin. He had the sudden urge to hug her, but resisted. She wouldn't appreciate that, he told himself then. "Coffee, or…"_

"_Coffee sounds good."_

_They headed to the nearest coffee shop down in the town around the campus that the college students call "The Village" and sat outside on the hot summer day. Gil was amazed at how, in just a couple of years, Sara had matured. "How's Boston?"_

_She smiled over at him. "I wouldn't know. I live here now, CSI with the San Francisco lab."_

_He was momentary stunned. "Really? That's wonderful. How do you like it?"_

"_It's the most fulfilling work I have ever done," she said as she took a sip of the coffee._

_He liked that Sara was never in a big rush for anything. Just her sipping the coffee proved that. "Vegas is great. Jim Brass, our new supervisor is a good man. He was detective before, but he let's me basically run the forensic part. Warrick Brown is our newest CSI 1 and Brass is letting me train him."_

"_Sounds like a good department."_

_He nodded as he swallowed. "It is. I couldn't be happier."_

_She smirked. "Unless an African Red Baboon tarantula landed on your desk."_

_He really loved the fact he could talk insects with Sara and she wouldn't run away screaming that some boy put an ant on her. "I'm still holding out. Did you know that they are the most feared, but are practically harmless?"_

_Sara batted a bee away. "How can something be 'practically harmless'? Isn't that like 'kind of pregnant'?"_

_He stopped and thought about that. "I guess it would be. I never really thought about it." He wondered if she was seeing away, but pushed that aside too. Vegas and San Francisco were too far away, and he worked all the time. Long distance relationships never worked, especially with him._

_Sara looked down at her watch. "Oh shoot. I have a meeting to be at." She looked back up at him. "I'm having a 'kind of party' tonight. It's my birthday. Do, um, do you want to come? If not that's fine."_

_He smiled. "I'd like to. Where…I don't know where you live."_

_She handed him a card. "You're taking a cab right?"_

_He nodded._

"_Okay, just give them my address. They'll get you there. Seven o'clock." _

_She hovered above him a little too long and he knew he wouldn't protest if she leaned in closer. "I'll be there," he finally said. _

_She stepped back and smile again. "Good. Non-alcoholic beverages, right?"_

_He laughed and sat back in the chair. "Only if you want a bunch of angry friends."_

_That night be had to down some more Pepto-Bismol just to get into the cab in front of the hotel. He didn't like being nervous, it always made him feel weak. Crying was okay, nerves weren't. In no time he was in front of a house on one of the famous slanted streets in the Golden Gate city. A three story house awaited him and that made his stomach turn. What if she was in a relationship?_

_After three knocks a man answered the door. He was about Sara's age and tanned…Why did that bother him? _

_The man welcomed him in. "You must be Gil. Come on in, the water's fine, beer's in the fridge."_

_He walked into the entryway a little uneasy and looked around. The house was full of people who looked like they just got off the beach. The man who let him in high fived another guy and they went into the family room off the entryway and stood in front of the television. The Giants and Detroit were playing._

_People walked by him talking and laughing. Some stopped in front of him and talked like they didn't even see him then continued on their way. Shouts came from the family room. The Giants scored on a double._

_He was about to go and just grab a beer and wait outside until he saw Sara at the top of the stairs in front of him. She was dress in more casual clothes than before. The jeans hugged her waist and the top was sleeveless, her hair was down. He couldn't breathe._

_She made her way down to the floor and stopped just in front of him. "Glad you could make it."_

"_It was a short ride. I could've walked, but…then I'd be sweating." What was he talking about? Focus, he told himself._

_Sara just laughed and grabbed his shoulder. "Come on. I'll introduce you."_

"_The guy who let me in already knew who I was," he said as he was being partly dragged._

_She faced him then searched the crowd then pointed. "Him?"_

_He nodded. "Yeah."_

"_That's my roommate's boyfriend, Rich. He knew who you were because I couldn't stop talking about you when I got back."_

_He looked at her, stunned and confused. "You talked about me?"_

"_Of course," she smiled. "Why wouldn't I?"_

_He just shrug, completely lost of words. _

"_Want a beer," she asked as she started to move away from him._

"_Yeah, I'll go with you."_

_They made their way through the crowd and into the kitchen. It wasn't much better than the rest of the house. People were piled in there talking. Some couldn't seem to make it out the door before someone came in and gave them a hug and started talking. _

_He accepted the beer from Sara and opened it. "Who are all these people?"_

_Sara looked around and shrug. "Got me. It's just my party." She looked over at him. "I invite friends, they invite everyone else."_

_He smirked and nodded. "Anyone's invited just bring your own beer?"_

"_Exactly. So, you do know a few of those," she teased him then took a sip of the beer._

"_A few," he said then followed suit. The beer tasted good in his dry mouth. A few more of these and he might just embarrass himself._

"_Want to go outside?"_

_He looked over at her. "What!" The noise level rose in the room as someone turned on the stereo. Bob Segar and the Silver Bullet Band blasted through the house._

"_I said, do you want to go outside," Sara yelled in his ear._

"_Definitely."_

_They went out through the back door and into the backyard. When the door shut, most of the sound from inside was blocked out._

"_Much better," Sara said. She took in a deep breath and let it out. "Fresh air."_

_He smiled and took another sip of the beer. The sky was clear, but you couldn't see the stars. He frowned at that. It would have been beautiful if he got to see the stars. He glanced over at Sara and froze. She was looking up at the sky too, her hair hung just below her shoulders and he had a contemplated look on her face. Okay, he didn't need the stars to see beauty._

_She turned to look at him and he quickly glanced away. "See something that interests you?"_

_He snapped his head over to her. "What?"_

_She smiled and pointed up. "You had that look. Like you just saw something interesting. You were looking up so I know it wasn't a bug"_

_He glanced back up then shrugged. "Just thinking about the stars in Vegas. If you go out to the desert on a clear night, you could see millions of stars." He took a longer drink from the bottle. "If you ever find your way to Vegas, I'll show you."_

_She smiled her grin again. "I'd like that."_

_They made they're way back inside after they finished both of their beers. A tall red head came up and hugged Sara. They parted while talking and laughing about something. _

_Sara then turned and introduced them. "Joni, this is Gil. Gil, Joni my roommate."_

_He shook her hand. "Pleasure."_

_Joni looked him up and down then turned to Sara. "Now I see why you couldn't shut up about him."_

_He took pause at that then cleared his throat. "You want a beer?"_

_Joni smiled and nodded then went back to talking to Sara about something. He grabbed three beers out of the fridge and shut it as a guy came up to him. It was Rich._

"_Heya, Gil," Rich said as he walked by him and to the table full of appetizers and other foods. _

"_Rich," he said as he went to walk by but was held up by the group of people that blocked his path. "Shit."_

"_Haha, it's okay, man. Just walk through them." Rich picked up a plate and piles it with food._

_He really didn't want to walk through the group, so he held back a moment. "How's the game?"_

_Rich turned and got really excited. "Great. Giants scored on a 3-2, bases loaded, Grand fucking Slam! Baby!"_

_He smirked and nodded. "I'm not surprised; Matt Williams is on a roll. He just might break Roger Maris' record of sixty-one homeruns."_

_Rich slapped him on the back. "You know you're baseball. Come watch the game with us."_

_He shook his head. "I haven't seen Sara in a long time."_

_Rich smiled. "Fine, skip the game for a chick." He got right up to him and said in his ear, "Just keep it in your pants." Then left._

_He was too shocked to move until he turned to watch Rich leave and saw an opening in the mob of people. He slowly made his way back over to Sara and Joni._

"_About time. What was the hold up," Joni asked as he handed over the beers._

_Sara answered for him. "He doesn't like being rude."_

"_Nice change." Joni smiled at him. "What did you and Rich talk about."_

"_Baseball."_

"_But always the same," Joni winked at him. "A guy through and through."_

"_That's what my genetics say."_

_Sara tried not to laugh at the exchange but it wasn't working, she was buzzing. "I think it's time I blew out my candles."_

_He turned to look at her, confused. "Oh, right. Birthday."_

_The dining room was piled to the max and out into the surrounding rooms with people. He stood off to the side of Sara and waited for the laughing and talking to quiet down. Sara held up her hands drawing everyone's attention to her. She blushed for a moment then recovered. "Okay, thank you to everyone for showing up…" that caused a waved of "whoops" and "hell ya's". "Now, every year we get to ask one person to sing 'Happy Birthday' first, then everyone else sings it. And as I'm the one turning a year older, I will ask…"_

_Oh no, he thought as he realized what was going on._

"…_I ask me good friend, who came all the way from Vegas…" she turned and winked at him. "For this. My good friend, Dr. Gil Grissom, CSI 3."_

_He wanted to laugh at the use of title but it caused people to look his way, some in recognition of the name, others purely because he was a fellow CSI, and high ranking. He leaned down to whisper to Sara, "I don't sing."_

_She turned to him. "Sure you do, everyone sings. Please, Gil, it's my only birthday present I ask for."_

_He looked around the room then took a deep breath. What he wouldn't do to make her smile. "Okay, just…cover your ears."_

"_And it has to be believable, no half talking half singing." She pointed at him._

_He nodded. "Got it." He closed his eyes then opened them again, he only looked at Sara._

_It wasn't until he was on the second verse that he realized someone had taken a picture, but the smiled and total control by Sara for not trying to laugh made him not really care. When he got done the crowed broke out in cheers and more "whoops" and "hell ya's". _

_Sara beamed at him. "I think that deserved something in return. A kiss."_

_In a moment Sara pulled him over and kissed him. It was only a second, quick peck on the lips, but it shocked him how it felt so right. He stared at Sara afterwards with a grin on his face. The crowd was going crazy with cheers, and not just because Sara had blown out the candles._

_Rich gave him another pat on the back as he went to leave. Joni hugged him and told him to keep safe out there in crazy Vegas. _

_Sara walked him out to the front porch. "I hoped I didn't embarrass you too bad back there."_

_He smiled and shrugged. "I'm used to it."_

"_No you're not," she said just as fast._

_He smirked at that. "You're right, I'm not."_

_She crossed her arms. "So, why did you do it?"_

_He looked toward the street and saw his cab pull up. "Because," he turned back to her. "I haven't seen you smile like that since Boston, and it felt good to make you smile like that."_

_She pursed her lips and looked out at the cab. "Then, I guess you this is 'till Vegas?"_

_He looked down at the porch then back up. Manu thoughts swarmed around his head, but all were answered with the same question. Don't let her in it'd only end in hurt. Long distance never works. "Yeah, till Vegas." He walked down the steps of the house and stopped in front of the cab. He handed to guy fifty dollars, more than what his ride would have cost. "Thank you, but I decided to walk. Have a good night."_

_The guy looked at the money then shrug. "Sure, pal." Then drove away. _

_He walked down the sidewalk, only turning to wave bye to Sara before he rounded the corner. A breath got stuck in his throat so he stopped at the nearest bar and got himself another drink. Several women tried to hit on him, but he was having none of it. Sara kept coming to mind and that kiss, and singing, and walking away from the only beauty he'd ever met. _

He sucked in a deep breath on the couch and tried to release it but it only came out in a sob of pain. He screwed up, bad. Why…How did it get so bad? Thoughts went around his aching, clouded head, but nothing made sense. There was no answer, just the notion that it was his fault. He screwed up. This started off good, better than good actually. It was perfect, it felt like Heaven.

_Sara grabbed his arm and pulled him off the bed. They were in Hawaii for a conference. He had tried to change it and re-schedule but it was too late. The call back to Vegas was encouraging. Jim was recovering fast, he was smiling a lot and back to his usual sarcastic self. Warrick and his wife were having problems. Catherine was always the gossip. _

_He didn't know what "Reveal in the ways of Hawaii dance at tonight's luau" meant, but Sara was excited. _

"_Come on," she said. "You only live once. And for a man who just got done talking about dying, you should be jumping at the opportunity to dance and have fun."_

_He stared up at Sara and winked. "Only if it's with you."_

_She stopped yanking on his arm and smiled. "I wasn't expecting you to dance with the other weird people there."_

_He stood up and followed her out the door. As he went to close it, he looked up. "What kind of weird people?"_

_Sara was radiant; at least that was what he thought. Since Sara didn't have a formal dress or anything other that clothes for the seminar, jeans and t-shirt, and pajama's , she decided to wear the silk flower robe he had bought her earlier that day from a Hawaiian store. She spun around in front him in it at the store and nearly lost all cognitive thought. He even got so caught up in her movements that he forgot the drink in his hands. By the time he remembered it was there, it as warm._

_The sky was clear and the moon shined down on the celebration. A band played off to the side, people were gathered at the small tiki bars along the beach. Most were there for the conference, some weren't. But he really wasn't playing attention to them. Sara got him to dance once, to a slow song. Upbeat ones were for him. Slow dances only he told her, but that didn't stop her from dancing to the fast ones._

_He was sure the goofy grin on his face didn't fade until they were walking hand-in-hand on the beach. The water from the Pacific Ocean was cool on their bare feet. He wondered when exactly he started to not care about displaying his feelings in public…but handing hands wasn't really PDA was it. It wasn't like they were making out. And also, as he looked around. There was no public. They were alone. Oh…He stopped walking and looked up at the stars over the Pacific. It was a wonder, but nothing compared to the beauty beside him, who was wrapping her arm around his waist and he was following suit._

_Even though him and Sara had been friends for a long time. She was someone that he trusted, always had been. He knew he pushed her away on several occasions. He couldn't risk this career for her, at least not at that time. Being upped to supervisor was never something he wanted, and it caused him to be more careful to who he let inside his life. Work had become his whole life. Most of his adult years was spent alone, and that had become a comfort. Passing her away was never his intention, but that was what happened._

_After recovering from his hearing loss and with what happened to Nick, he had realized just how much the people who he worked with really cared, and how life was really short. He wasn't getting any younger. Sara had always been someone he could talk to, really talk to, and vise versa. She confided in him on more than one occasion. It took him sometime for him to open up like that to anyone, and he did with her. They had talked all night, drinking bad coffee, and laughing too. They always laughed together._

_She broke his thoughts by placing her head on his shoulder. It gesture spoke volumes of their relationship right now, comfortable._

He kissed her for the first time since San Francisco on that beach. But now, Sara was gone, she left him. All those years, he couldn't get back. They were done and gone, just like him. There was nothing left for him. Not his work, not the lab, his friends, it all felt worthless now. His heaven was gone, and it was his fault.

He screwed up. The gun touched the side of his head. With his finger on the trigger, he closed his eyes.

It was his fault that she left. She made him open up, she made him, but, he screwed up.

Then, he pulled the trigger.

The End.

(Please, no flames…unless you can't help it. I do love the idea of Grissom/Sara together. I'm all for a happy ending in the show, so please don't hate me too much. Just making a story out of a good song.)

Shotgun (As heard live; unofficial lyrics)

Strong man  
Shotgun in his hand  
Like rainbows  
Broken by the blast  
Always  
You take me back home  
And I stumble like a dead man  
Runnin on his last breath  
Rain, rain

And the first time  
You play me like a fool  
You make me wanna  
Rain, rain down  
Why did you go  
All the way inside my head  
And take away control  
I believed every word you said  
But only to find  
It was all a lie, baby

I screwed up  
Can't get back to wait on my way  
Rain on  
Like a bitter, evil King  
The first time  
I thought that I was in  
Heaven

Heaven  
The first time  
I thought that I was in  
Heaven  
Like a shotgun  
Blew away my head  
That's what it sounded like  
Stumble like a nearly dead man

You made me  
Cause I screwed up

Hey, if you want to here this song, go to the website theblogthatjanelikes. Just stroll down to the topic about the song. For some reason my submitted review didn't upload it. Also, I want to apologize for the grammar in that review, I've only had 3 hours of sleep last night.


End file.
